May 9, 2011

i am wrong ::

i like to say that i'm a recovering perfectionist. for years i held myself to impossible standards and beat myself to an emotional pulp whenever i didn't measure up.

then i saw the title, tired of trying to measure up? by jeff vanvonderen. i bought the book and read it twice, back to back, filling my copy with dozens of notes. shackles began to fall away and i can honestly say that now i'm no longer a perfectionist ~ but a recovering one, chain-breathing sighs of relief.

one thing i found helpful in the recovery process (because in the stages of recovery, we often sneak back into the arms of our nemesis, don't we?) was to give myself permission to be imperfect.

i need permission to be imperfect.

and it's reflecting on this and on the words of a very wise friend that i face another nemesis, that i look into the eyes of another permission.

i need permission to be wrong.

'You are wrong,' he says. 'You will be wrong. I am wrong. I will be wrong. And we'll both show up before God with the 2% we might have gotten right, and we'll fully know that, regardless, we are loved and will always be loved. I think the question is moving from, "How much did you get right?" to "How much did you love?" At least it is for me.'

how much did you love?

certain strains of religion make an idol out of being right.
i made an idol out of it.
it's humbling when you learn your roots are showing, and you wonder how long they've been there, stark naked in the daylight. but my friend is right ~ i am wrong sometimes. why am i so afraid of it? there is no fear in love, however, and this is where i want to stand. when i err, i want to be on the side of love. when i'm wrong, let me be wrong on the side of grace and mercy.

how much did you love?

this
is
so
freeing.

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6 comments:

  1. This is why my Blog is called Permission to Live. I too had to give myself the permission I had never had, to be imperfect.So much shame to work through. I still fall back into old patterns of self-hatred and fear, but it is getting better and better, and I can truly say that I am also a recovering perfectionist.

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  2. I can totally identify with this. It is a struggle that, most of the time, other people really don't see. It is the self-talk that is so hard to change.

    Giving permission - such a good way to put it. When I leave for work a few minutes late, I usually tend to say to myself, "I'm leaving late!" and panic. But I'm learning to say to myself, "I'm leaving latER than I usually do, but I'll still make it in time." And I do, but without the pressure. :)

    (((hugs)))

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  3. love this post Rain
    I am right in the middle of this
    in fact this past month there has really been a transformation around this very thing...
    being Right or being Love

    For me the being right was a form of validation...like
    I am right = I matter
    I am right = I was meant to be
    I am right = I have a purpose

    And yet I speak the words of Love
    I live with Love on my shoulder
    so
    a choice has to be made
    being right or being Love
    I choose being Love
    Wrong is a state of mind that Love blankets easily...

    thanks for this reflection today Rain♥

    love and light

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  4. wow. it's almost like you've been reading my mind. this is EXACTLY what i've been dealing with lately. these are some of the exact things i was talking about with someone yesterday. i've been realizing that i live in so much paralyzing fear so much of the time, and i've recently come to realize that it's all related to the fear of messing up, of not doing the right thing, of not being perfect.

    so yes, i do need permission to be wrong. i need to be told it's okay to not do the right thing all the time. and i have been told that lately, but it takes time for the truth to seep into the depth of my being. but i would say i'm recovering, because the first step to recover is recognizing that there's a problem. so i have the first step down, at least.

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  5. I like Rachel's comment about being able to say she's recovering because she's at least acknowledged the problem. That's where I am too. Being loved despite being messy or imperfect or wrong (which I am, all the time) is not a concept I can easily accept, but I can at least remember what perfect love does to fear and squint to see that in my future as well.

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  6. Seriously WOW! I have had a serious shout inside my heart for the last year... " PERMISSION TO LIVE! PERMISSION TO FALL! PERMISSION TO STEP TOWARDS THINGS AND USE YOUR SMART BRAIN TO CHOOSE! PERMISSION PERMISSION PERMISSION! "
    Seriously, NO joke, chicka! Such THE truth when you get outside the walls of religion and out into true life, it's crazy how that false truth of being perfect and right has permeated so deeply. Just crazy! I so get it!
    Thankyou for this.. and the book rep.. love all that you share!

    ReplyDelete

Please be respectful in your words. I am on a journey and this is a glimpse of it. I do not engage in debating nor do I choose to spend my energy defending what I write.

::
Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way.

Charles B Newcomb

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