(w)holistic

i attended my first ever nia class on sunday. how could i not, when it mentioned a routine to one of my all-time favorite songs featuring my all-time favorite vocalist?

from lisagerrard.com

as i've journeyed into a gentler, grace-based approach to life, a surprising inclination to holistic self-care has unfolded beneath my feet. it feels different than the old ways, has a different voice,
tender. nurturing. no shadowy remnants of shame, pummeling me into less shape than before. 

on sunday, tears sprouted with the first rhythmic chords of yulunga and stayed with me as i stumbled along unfamiliar paths. it felt raw, tribal. powerful, and yet oh so healing.

a healing way.

violet light

i've always known that the healing way, for me, involves that which moves me and rests me.

moves, with grace, and rests with grace.

at this point in my life i take each step organically, tasting, feeling, sensing,
whole body praying, 
seeing what comes next.

and this, this i loved.

soul walking on water ::

after the rain © 2007 esther miguez

I've had moments, lately, when those feelings arise. Dark and desperate. Just like the ones I had so many years ago, at fifteen and seventeen, when I felt soul-suffocated and barely alive.

When your whole life you sojourn

and your soul wrinkles with time, 

when you are not-of-this-world and grow ancient, longing for home,
when everything that is truly you ~ the artist, the mother, the nourishing one, the writer, the dreamer, the mystic, the lover, the wandering gypsy with a poet's heart ~ becomes stifled and choked by the demands of living in a fallen world,

how do you find strength to pour yourself into another day?  

Day after day?

::

It's hard to be strong all your life. To be the responsible one; to survive. It's exhausting, sometimes, to survive. And for the weary, forget sex or drugs or rock and roll ~ the temptation to seek the sweet fruit of eternal rest can come crashing in,

unexpected and tantalizing.

That was his final status.
I don't know him, but I'm sobbing like I did.

Within hours of posting, he took his own life.

::

Darkness was in the beginning with God, before light, before evil. For those who have eyes to see, darkness is a holy place, a womb where life begins.

Darkness is holy ground where we are planted, where we germinate and grow strong, where we are born to rise into light. When the Spirit fills, she over-shadows. And when we nestle close, tucked into comfort, into the shadow of the Most High, darkness is our covering and we find treasure there.
::

I'm well-acquainted with darkness. Especially these days, when life flickers low, smolders like the incense on my windowsill. I guess this is a confession of sorts. I love life, love it so much, almost too much, and yet I feel like one standing outside looking in,

weeping. 

Sometimes I wonder, can I stay alive? My entire being aches and yearns to be and become and to live rested with the truth that I am born to fulfill everything within me to do. But the rat-race, the living a life that isn't truly mine, the spreading thin, the seeking sacred in the incredibly profane, trying to leave a quiet breath of holy wherever I am, yet finding myself simply without breath, and gasping ... sometimes, it is just too much.

::

::

i am a nomad on this earth the purple is for spirit day

We sojourners, we need each other. This world is not our home, yes? Will you share your gypsy heart? Breathe light when the valley grows dark, breathe dark when I am distracted by false light?

When cold seeps into my bones, will you share warmth?

Will you remind me, when I forget, that our souls

are meant to walk on water?

::

in memory of jacob heyen

glimmers ::

many ask if i've fallen off the face of the earth these days. no, but frankly, i wish! i'm in the middle of a 7-days-in-a-row stretch at work and have so many deep simmerings inside that want ~ need! ~ to become poured out. instead, twilight finds me collapsing comatose.

during moments like these, i immerse myself in music and pinterest and try to become inspired. as i share my current faves, will you share yours?

song:
if you're a facebook friend, you've probably heard ad nauseum about my new girl band crush. i mean, just look at these boho beauties:

The Pierces ... sisters Catherine and Allison Pierce

 now, listen.




for the record, that guitar makes my soul ripple.

new roots and feathers:
laura has been working her fingers to the bone! i confess to a full-blown addiction to this jewelry line.

quote:
i saw this on pinterest but don't know the author: 
 

___
so, what catches your heart?

i will love you again ::

as we've rounded the curve and landed, at last, into the crunchy crispness of october, i feel like i've curved into a season of my own where the brilliant hues of courage, resolve, bravery, and boldness are washed with an ethereal sheen of hope. although we are born to live life, sometimes the living of it requires a cognizant ~ even daily ~ choice, where yes, i will take another step, and yes, i will love, and yes, i will do this again. i will embrace my soul-sojourn, where every morning i gently uncurl a little more from my cocoon and emerge, gasping and raw and wet, into light.

truthfully, these days crash forward like a crescendo of waves, like the sea all rising and pounding and lifting towards heaven and turning down to beat the earth where i stand. and with each rush of water, the ground beneath my feet transforms into something new, something unexpected, something i don't quite recognize.

but sometimes, especially after a violent storm, i look down at the earth to find pearls nestled there.  

and so i take another step. i push through sorrow and fear; i cling to the sweetness of mercy that rises, new. and slowly i take shape, the shape of my soul.

of love and life ::

source

my senses are so keen right now. i love that, because it colors life with the most vivid rays: everything soft is soul-stilling in its comfort. a merciless fist of iron grief chokes me, strangles me limp. warmth spills amber over my head, amber brazenly stolen from the sunrise, while light incarnates, darkness lures, and the violets are extra mysterious.

and i am lifted above the earth by music so moving it makes me weep for sacredness.

i sigh. i feel dangerous in a bold, daring sense. i want to run up to people and shake them with a desperate, adoring kind of love that begs love me! others i want to slip away from forever, at least as we know it on earth. i want to inhale everything, to consume all the wisdom and experience offered by the mere art of living. i don't want to be sitting in my faithful old chair surrounded by stacks of papers and schedules and deadlines, needing to shave my legs and vacuum and go to work so i can do it all again tomorrow.

yet paradoxically, i dwell in a strange kind of peace that breathes deep, nods slowly, looks around and says quietly, yes. funny how both realities are real, and yet somehow so disconnected from each other.

i'm thankful, because it means i'm alive.