July 12, 2012

i'm okay with not being careful ::

“I feel more alive than ever, and like no matter how time unfolds, I’m going to be okay. I’m okay with not being careful, if I’m chasing what I believe to be the mysteries of God and they are stirring me alive. I’m telling you, I’m breathing fresh air.” ~ Mandy

 
I'm working on a project right now, one that has the potential to be Big. It stirs my soul. It's something that keeps me up late at night. I lose track of time over it, I forget to eat over it, I grow frustrated and elated over it. And while I'm sketching out details in my Moleskine, to the flicker of candlelight, sometimes I hear in my head, “Now let's not get too carried away.” 

And I want to know, who made up that rule?

I'm okay with dreaming big dreams then waking up to write them down, flesh them out, make them happen. I'm okay with getting carried away. It gives me momentum to carry through. And it made me think of other ways I'm okay, and then I read Mandy's words above, and things clicked. 

Mary Oliver. Artist unknown.

I'm done censoring myself. I'm done second-guessing. I'm done living careful. (Obviously things like safety and common sense are, well, common sense.) I'm done hesitating. In fact,
This morning my friend Sara shared with me a conversation that centered around a prayer Ronna Detrick quoted yesterday:
It seems to me…
That we search much too desperately for answers
When a good question holds as much grace as an answer.
[God], you are the Great Questioner.
Keep our questions alive
That we may always be seekers rather than settlers.
Guard us well from the air of settling in
With our answers hugged to our breasts.
Make of us a wondering, farsighted, questioning,
restless people
And give us the feet of pilgrims on this journey unfinished. 
~ Macrina Wiedekehr
“I was chatting with Michael saying how it seems like there's always something around the corner, like there's always something out there, not looming anymore, not negative, just sort of there, and he said, “that is called HOPE” .... OH MY GAWD epiphany time ... so what she says above about the restless feeling, if we wipe away the negative connotations we've attached to restlessness, then it is there, gleaming as the pure embodiment of hope.”  ~ Sara
And I am okay with hope.

::
Soul stirring prompt: What keeps you up late at night and makes you lose track of time? What are you okay with?
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34 comments:

  1. I'm okay with letting go of the idea that there even 'is' a box and seeing that it is my own judgment that assesses an 'in' or 'out' from it.

    To just simply 'be.'

    Thank you, sweet, sweet Rain for the inspiring post. You keep being. There's no one who does 'you' like you.

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    1. that is my mantra, i think. just be.
      thank you for your lovely words. thank you. <3

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  2. Let's get deliciously carried away [by the tide.]

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  3. This is my first time your little space and I am so glad I'm here. Thank you for this inspiration...And here's a little more Mary Oliver for you, one of my favorites:

    Messenger

    My work is loving the world.
    Here the sunflowers, there the hummingbird —
    equal seekers of sweetness.
    Here the quickening yeast; there the blue plums.
    Here the clam deep in the speckled sand.

    Are my boots old? Is my coat torn?
    Am I no longer young, and still not half-perfect? Let me
    keep my mind on what matters,
    which is my work,

    which is mostly standing still and learning to be
    astonished.
    The phoebe, the delphinium.
    The sheep in the pasture, and the pasture.
    Which is mostly rejoicing, since all ingredients are here,

    which is gratitude, to be given a mind and a heart
    and these body-clothes,
    a mouth with which to give shouts of joy
    to the moth and the wren, to the sleepy dug-up clam,
    telling them all, over and over, how it is
    that we live forever.

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    1. this is absolutely delicious! thank you for sharing. :) i love this line: "standing still and learning to be astonished." mmmmm.

      thank you for stopping by. <3

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  4. incredible. how i love this. what keeps me up at night? lately it's the drive for all young women to embrace their truth without betraying themselves. i'm working hard every night on my own project about this and as I'm doing that, i'm embracing my own way of being. its heady stuff and heavy stuff but when something is right, no matter how frightening it may be, it's easy to push the fear away. truth's voice is so much louder.

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    1. that is so beautiful. i wish you much success with your project and your own way of being. keep listening to the voice of truth. please share your project when its ready!

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  5. oh YES!!!! Me too! Can't wait to see this new blood sweat and tears project you have going! What an inspiration you are Rain. So blessed by your presence in this life :) xoxo

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    1. thank you darling! thank you for being excited and happy. :) you bring joy.

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  6. Thank you so much for this. :-) I smiled reading it, smiled, nodded, sighed. This past month has been very difficult for me. Utter rejection by my parents, severe health issues, much grief and anxiety. But yesterday and today have been so good. Like a wave of acceptance and OK-ness in my soul. :-) I cannot fix things or change them, but I can now be at peace in my own heart and feel that lovely freedom of being OK with just being myself. It's a good thing. :-) I too have some new projects in the works that are making me happy. Writing the history of a small Australian town near me, and writing for a Norwegian parenting website (of all things!!). :-) I'm also learning about the beautiful, earthy side of European paganism/shamanism, and I love it. :-)

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    1. awww sweetie. i'm so sorry. you've been on my heart and mind so much. i'd love to catch up sometime. so glad to hear that your journey is taking you places that you never thought you'd go....i daresay you will be quite surprised at what you'll find. :-)

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    2. It's a lovely thing to hear I've been on your mind. :-) Thank you, Rain. I would love to catch up some time. You always do my heart good online, I know you would via chat or phone or face to face too. :-)

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  7. right now...nothing is keeping me up at night
    truly
    the night lately has been to sleep : )
    but I am ok with that lol

    I am ok with being a mess
    I am ok with not having all the answers
    I am okay with being me : )

    love and light friend

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    1. i'm ok with being a mess....mmmm, this. i'm learning that there is such art in mess. and i aspire to art. thank you.

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  8. trying to scribble or ink-out my soul keeps me up at night. though i am finding that less and less time is available as my body can only handle so much.

    i am okay with being distilled down to my essential self, and i am okay with the task set before me to relearn the landscape of time.
    i am okay, unless i am not ... which i am trying to be okay with as well.

    xo

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    1. i LOVE how you say "distilled down to my essential self" and "relearn the landscape of time"...such poetry and truth. that distillation brings the purest and most precious essence of you, and sometimes that is through high heat, if i remember correctly? and pressing, to release every life drop. you are brave. so brave.
      xo.

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  9. This was one of my fav posts. I might expand on your words ( and give credit of course) soon. Right now I am taking it day by day and waiting for my insomnia to STOP keeping me up at night- ha ha. I'm learning instead how to let go of "needs" and "dreams" and to rest and sleep. I'm learning that some things can wait and sometimes the artistic urges I get need to be balanced by my own reality. It's funny because a few months ago it was the opposite. It all depends on what stages we are in. I'm learning to be ok with the ordinary day to day but creating DOES give me hope in that:)
    This was beautiful!

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    1. <3 i loved your post. thank you so very much. you bring joy.

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  10. Direction, and my unsteady head and feet living in two worlds. I feel at times fearless, and other times I feel as though I am about to leap out, and I will either soar or crash to earth, my spirit wants to soar, my real life .....obligations.... cause me to hesitate, my heart to race, the conflict of that keeps me awake, some days I have it figured out, and at other times, i feel like two people sharing this same earthbound body, but its still a wonderful problems to have, I am opening my eyes to the options and the fatastical what ifs.....

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    1. wow i can really relate to this! it will get less dual feeling as you become more and more integrated, whole, but i think there is always a shadow side, at least i'm learning so. keep breathing your way through. thanks for sharing this vulnerableness. <3

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  11. I'm okay with going all the way in, without knowing how things will turn out, or whether I'll embarrass myself. I don't think I care so much about embarrassment anymore.

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    1. that is HUGE. going all the way in on faith is such a wonderful commitment to your own life. and doing it anyway, not fearing embarrassing yourself is also huge. what an inspiration you are. do you have any stories of how this is going for you? would love to hear more!

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    2. That's very sweet of you to say--I don't feel like an inspiration! In fact, I feel like an insecure mess, but I'm going on ahead in spite of it, because I just couldn't stand to wait anymore for a time when everything would be "right." That's been a pattern I'm trying to let go of--too much waiting for perfect circumstances, when there are none/it's always the right time for a positive change. I'd like to write more about this; I'll send you an email when I have my thoughts together. Be well!

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  12. Thank you so, so much for writing this. It's just what I needed. I struggle because I sometimes, or nearly always, live too carefully. I need to be less hard on myself and just live my life FREE. ♥

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    1. mmm. yes. sometimes living too carefully keeps us from living at all. there's a balance but it doesn't always look like we think it does or should. much love as you become free. it's a fantastical journey....wholly worth it. <3

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  13. your words are just so....yummy...dreamy....SOULFUL....i love this. i read your words over at Boho Girl today too....and it touched my heart so very deeply. specifically "begin seeing yourself as SOUL".....those words have CHANGED me. thank you so much.

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    1. mmmm. thank you, darlin. so grateful that these syllables have blessed you. <3

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  14. So many feels and so many things and just... <3 yes.

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  15. Thank you for this beautiful post! Delicious.

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  16. Everything here is a deep breath in!

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  17. this was an amazing post, it said what i needed to hear.

    i'm ok with the unknown
    i'm ok with my contradicting feelings
    i'm ok with infinite possibility
    i'm ok with starting this journey on my own
    i'm ok with my heart jumping at the thought of it all
    i'm ok with my soul screaming from the inside, "yes, finally!"

    thank you! xxx

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Please be respectful in your words. I am on a journey and this is a glimpse of it. I do not engage in debating nor do I choose to spend my energy defending what I write.

::
Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way.

Charles B Newcomb

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